


Misha's At it again (PCA Award)

by JAYJEN11



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Boys Kissing, Depression, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-16
Updated: 2016-01-16
Packaged: 2018-05-14 06:11:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,090
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5732287
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JAYJEN11/pseuds/JAYJEN11
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jared is so tired and this story line is so heavy and all he needs is to get to Jensen but when he gets there he sees Jensen with Misha and it hurts.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Misha's At it again (PCA Award)

**Author's Note:**

> A harsh comment was left regarding this story but unfortunately the person defending me left an even harsher comment so both have been deleted. JUST A REMINDER - if you can't understand the tags and start reading the story - STOP if you don't like it. Don't continue and then leave personal abuse. On the other hand I should be happy you remembered my story a month and a half later

Jensen walked out of Misha’s trailer, stretched and breathed into his cupped hands to get them warm, he had hoped getting that video message out to the fans would take less time but Misha kept fucking around and stuffing up the tape – the try hard Jared pranks got a little ridiculous towards the end and he hoped his attitude towards the series regular didn’t show on tape.

Now he just wanted to get to Jared. Jared had been a little distant, a little pre-occupied lately and Jensen liked to stay close to him when this happened. Let him know he was not alone, he was loved, he was wanted and he had him as well as Genevieve and his boys.  Jared’s past insecurities seemed to flare up when he was dealing with darker story lines and those close to him, who had been working on the show since it’s conception knew to look out for the signs and get him away from the set and give him a break before things got too bad. He was probably being overly-anxious, Jared seemed fine other than the distance; maybe he was just tired, stressed by these story lines, everything was fine Jensen almost convinced himself as he walked through set.

**

Jared wrapped up his filming fast. He hated being out here in the dark by himself and he wasn’t comfortable being away from Jensen at the moment. He knew that was stupid and pre-pubescent but he felt anxious and, for use of a better word, itchy; he just needed to at least see him; not necessarily smell him or touch him but to at least see him always calmed him down.

Jared was good, he was; he was on meds, sticking to a relatively healthy lifestyle and diet and exercising regularly to burn off the excess tensions and anxieties rolling through his body; it was just that going back to this dark place in filming, taking him down this stressed and depressing road seemed to stir sense memory in his body and was making him feel what Sam was feeling. He had even had a few panic attacks, crying in the middle of the night sweating and shivering and calling out for Jensen, his rock, his anchor; and Jensen was always there, awake and pulling him into his arms; kissing him, whispering reassuring words until he calmed down and dozed back to sleep wrapped in his warmth.  He knew he was relying on Jensen too much at the moment, hated putting that burden on him but he knew this dark period would be over soon and he could have a few days off to decompress. That’s what he and Jensen did, had each other’s backs when things like this happened. Mark of Cain Dean and Demon Dean took it out of Jensen and Jared had wrapped him in cotton wool and now Jensen was returning the favour.

He heard his laughter before he saw him and he automatically smiled as he followed the noise to Misha’s smaller trailer. The door was open, there were people in there milling around but all Jared could see was Jensen and Misha wrapped in each other, laughing and having a good time. Jensen looked so relaxed and he had a huge smile on his face as Misha handed him a kettle and rubbed his fingers over Jensen’s.

Jared felt his legs start to shake and he would probably throw up if he could even remember to breath but at the moment even that seemed like a chore. He bent down, resting his hands on his knees, while he tried to draw oxygen into his lungs and stop the spots appearing before his eyes.

Jensen and Misha. How long had this been going on behind his back? Jensen looked happy, happier than he had looked with him for weeks. That was it. Jensen wanted to leave him, wanted to go to Misha, but was waiting until this story line was over. He was staying with Jared out of pity and responsibility. Well now Jared knew he would make it easy on everyone.

**

Jared had to film later than Jensen tonight which is why Jensen was stuck doing the video with Misha, wanting to get the video out the same day the awards were announced but now he just wanted to get to him and have a gossip about how much of a douche the other actor was. He was up the stairs and had his hand on the door of Jared’s trailer when someone called out to him, he turned to look at one of the camera guys

“He’s gone man.”

“What do you mean?”

“He went home.”

Jensen could see this man’s lips moving and could hear him but couldn’t comprehend what he was saying, it didn’t make sense.

“He was filming.” He said in shock

“Yeah he nailed it in a couple of takes.”

Of course he fucking would, Jared the prankster was only like that when there were people around to prank, when Jensen was there as his straight man; Jared alone had nothing to distract him so would have nailed it like the professional he actually was underneath the goofiness

“Hang on I just walked past Cliff how long ago did he leave?”

“Oh about ten minutes. He said you and Misha could keep Cliff he’d find his own way home.” The guy shrugged and walked off not realising the bomb shell he had just dropped.

“FUCK!” Jensen yelled out roughly, sounding more like a pissed off Dean then himself right at this second. How the fuck did this happen? The camera guy he had just talked to was new, probably didn’t know the signs, the indicators to look out for.

He reached for his phone and rang Cliff telling him to bring the car around “Right fucking now.”

“Hey Jensen posted it on line already, the hits are flying off the charts bud.” Misha said as he came over and slapped him on the shoulder

“Fuck off Misha.” He growled as he shrugged his arm off him. Ever since those fucking TCA’s Misha hadn’t left him alone, thinking the Destiel award somehow made him and Jensen bonded, when was it going to sink into his dumbass head that Dean and Castiel were characters, not real life.

“What’s going on?” Misha asked, a little taken aback by Jensen’s sudden change in personality

“What’s up?” Cliff asked pretty much one second after Misha did.

“Jared’s gone.”

“Gone where? He was filming.” Cliff said

“Weren’t you with him?”

“No why would I be? We’re at the studios, you and Misha were in there surrounded by people and Jared was on set surrounded by people.”

“I swear to God Cliff…” Jensen snapped

“What?”

“Maybe we need to talk to the studios about getting another security person if you’re going to be spending all your time promoting your own shit in work hours. What was it? The Fan movie? The clothing line?”

“Bazinger.” Misha said with a joking smile and both men turned and glared at him, “Alright I’m out seeya bitches.” He said with a wave and walked off

“Look let’s just find Jared. Who told you he’d left?” Cliff asked

“That little punk ass over there.” Jensen growled and nodded his head

“Hey kid!” Cliff called out, “You said Jared left? How?”

“Caught a ride with one of the stunt doubles.”

“Mine or his?” Jensen growled, those guys knew the rules

“Nah Mark’s I think.”

“Look just get me home Cliff.” Jensen said and climbed into the passenger seat of the car.

 When it was him and Jared the two sat in the back seat and Cliff drove them chauffer style but he needed to be up front now where he could will the car to go faster. He listened to Cliff call the set to make sure Jared had left and trying to call the dude who took him home but it went to message bank.

**

Jensen literally jumped out of the car before it had even stopped moving and ran up the stairs to his apartment. He knew he was probably being overly dramatic. He was probably going to get up here to find Jared showered, in sweats and watching a game on t.v but the vibes coming off him at the moment gave Jensen a bad feeling in his gut.

“Jay!” he called as he threw open the door but the place was dark and silent.

Jensen turned on lights before he headed towards the bedroom. He couldn’t hear the shower running but Jared may be in bed or brushing his teeth. He had been looking tired so climbing into bed and just passing out, forgetting to tell Jensen he had made it home safe, while was way out of the ordinary, could be excused.

He threw open the bedroom door to see more darkness and hear more silence. He pulled out his phone and tried ringing Jared but it went straight to voice mail. He then looked in the closet to see if any clothes were missing, maybe Jared had decided to go grab a drink at their bar, but all his clothes were there. He stood there for a minute running his hand over his face while he kept saying to himself “think, come on think.” And then “No, surely not.” Jensen thought frantically as he threw open a drawer and rummaged around for a key. It had been so long since he had to use it that he had to go down a number of layers of socks and jocks before he found it.

For all intents and purposes Jared lived here. Yeah he had an apartment a couple of minutes from him but the only times it was used was when Gen or Daneel came to visit and they were so in synch that as soon as either wife had gone Jared was straight back in the car coming here and Jensen was waiting for him.

He grabbed his keys and ran down the stairs and out into the winter again. In spring or summer it was walking distance if they felt energetic but not only was too fucking freezing Jensen needed to get there now.

A couple minutes’ drive had him sliding into the carpark of Jared’s block before he dashed up the stairs and into the lobby.

“Hey Mr Ackles Mr Padalecki away again?” the night manager asked

“You haven’t seen him?”

“Not tonight, no sir.”

“Thanks.” Jensen said and took to the elevator

What seemed like forever but was probably less than a minute later Jensen stepped out of the elevator and went down the hall. He knocked but no response had him unlocking the door and quietly entering. He wondered if Jared was even here since the deadbolt was not across but this was his last shot before he went into full on panic mode.

He felt like Dean as he stepped silently through the dark room, running his hand along the wall, feeling for the light switch. As he moved forward he kicked something and when he finally found the switch and flicked it on he saw Jared’s shoes and his jacket.

Seeing Jared’s jacket made Jensen realise how cold it was in here. This apartment was pretty much in hibernation and Jared would always ring a couple of days before he was coming back so the staff could get it liveable again. Now the thermostat was turned right down, most of the electronics were off at the wall and Jensen wondered if there was even hot water.

He slowly walked through the apartment to the main bedroom and pushed open the door. There was Jared, curled up in a foetal ball shaking and tears rolling down his face. On the bed beside him was his tablet, showing the PCA video they had just posted, paused where Misha was right in his face, probably trying to be funny but looking more pervy than anything.

Jensen’s stomach dropped and his heart pushed up into his throat. Jared looked terrible. Like he had all those years ago when Jensen found him, in his trailer, staring at nothing, rocking back and forth with a bottle of pills in his hand. Back then Jensen had hardly been able to reach him. Had talked to him for hours, staring at his blank face, before he saw Jared come back to himself and come back to life. He had then lost it and cried hysterically, again for over an hour and it was only when the set medic showed up and gave Jared a sedative that he finally stopped crying. He had held Jensen’s hand for grim life and Jensen had sat there beside him, just running his hands through his best friend’s hair while Jared attempted sleeping although tossed and turned and whimpered and trembled while unconscious.

“Jay?” he whispered but got no response, “Jared? Jay? You with me man?” he asked quietly as he walked forward

“Go away.” His broken voice whispered from the huddle

“What’s going on dude? You had me worried when I couldn’t find you, what’re you doin here?” he tried to keep his tone casual as he crouched down beside him

“Didn’t want to get in the way.” He mumbled

“In the way of what?” he brushed Jared’s hair out of his eyes so he could see him better

“Of you and Misha.”

“Of me and…oh come on man…Jared…”

“Not that I blame you, it must be nice to have someone looking after you for once instead of you having to babysit my stupid ass all the time.” He tried to say calmly as he wiped the tears off his face, trying to look presentable

“Jay you look out for me as much as I look out for you”

“And hey at least he doesn’t keep hurting himself doing stupid shit so you don’t have to nurse him…”

“He got fucking attacked leaving a nightclub after flirting with some dude’s wife, that’s pretty fucked up and stupid to me. At least you were just wrestling Osric.”

“I’m just letting you know I get it Jen and there’s no hard feelings.  We couldn’t expect this to last forever, just, can you just let me come and get my stuff tomorrow?”

“Jared babe you need to listen to me, you’re scaring me. There is no me and Misha and I’m not letting you take your stuff.”

“That’s ok Jen I understand. Maybe you could have it couriered here or bring it to set if you don’t want me back at the apartment”

Jensen frantically looked around the room and patted the sheets and blankets around Jared to make sure he hadn’t missed anything, like an empty pill bottle or something poisonous.

“Jared there is no me and Misha, you know that better than anyone.”

“First the TCA for Destiel and then the photo of the two of you together on the boat and now this.  It’s cool Jen I get it.”

“Jared baby…” Jensen said as he climbed onto the bed and took Jared’s hand, “…Jared you’re freezing.” Jensen yelped, everything he was going to say forgotten when he felt how cold Jared was, his human heater was colder than him for the first time in forever

“S’ok.” Jared said and pulled his hand from Jensen’s before burrowing deeper into his bed.

Jensen jumped up and headed out of the room, pulling his phone out of his pocket as he went.

“Bye Jensen.” Jared muttered and Jensen sighed and continued walking, he wasn’t going anywhere.

Jensen turned on the lights of the apartment, found the thermostat and turned it up while dialling Bob Singer. He then went and turned on the kettle and found an old bottle of whiskey Jared had stashed, if it came down to not giving him alcohol because he was depressed or trying to get him warm again as quickly as possible he was going to concentrate on the second, that he could do something about and it was only one shot.

He poured himself a glass and threw it back while talking to Bob and then poured a shot for Jared and took it into the bedroom. He put it on the dresser and went into the bathroom to test the hot water situation. There he found a bottle of tablets sitting out on the counter and his heart stopped. He went over and saw they were sleeping tablets, what the hell was someone in his condition doing with sleeping tablets; he quietly shook the bottle and heard that the tablets were still in there; if he had taken any at least it wasn’t a full bottle. He put the bottle in his pocket before charging back out to the bedroom.

“Jared did you take any of those tablets in the bathroom?” he tried not to sound frantic

“Go away Jensen.” He mumbled

“Jared I am not only not going away but I will call an ambulance, your wife, your mother for fuck’s sake if you don’t answer the question right now.” He growled, worry making him sound angry

“One ok I took one, happy now?”

“Nowhere fucking near it.”

“Well get the fuck out Jensen. I didn’t ask you to come here. Go back to Misha.”

“Jay there is no me and Misha and you have got to stop thinking it and please stop saying it because it makes me sick to even think about.”

“Jensen…”

“Are you sure only one table.” Jensen interrupted

“Yeah only one.” Jared sighed defeated.

“Why? Why in hell did a doctor give you sleeping tablets?” Jensen was angry at whoever this quack was that put a potential killer in his soul mate’s hands.

“You know why Jen, because I’m fucked up. I’m so fucked up I can’t even sleep. I don’t sleep.” Jared snapped

“I know you’ve been having panic attacks but you’re sleeping”

“No Jensen I’m not. I don’t sleep. I haven’t slept for weeks. I get more sleep dozing in my trailer between scenes than I do at home…sorry your place.”

“Home.” Jensen reiterated, “But Jay you’re in bed with me every night.”

“And I hold you until you fall asleep and then I lie there like a statue so I don’t wake you.”

“Jay…”

“Your bedroom curtains fall so that there are fifty-three folds in them, every night, even though you open them every day, fifty-three folds. You have exactly fifteen pairs of pants hanging in your closet, it’s the same every night no matter what you wear, I lie there at night and wonder why. Do they mysteriously grow back? Do you take another pair out of hiding to hang them there so there is always exactly fifteen? You have thirty-three shirts, not really a lot for all the conventions and things we do but thirty-three kinda is a lot of shirts. Four pink, six blue, you like blue but not as much as you like black, you have eight of them, four green I think you should have more green, goes with your eyes; and there’s the three whites and the plaids.”

“Ok, ok, so you just lie there and stare at my clothes?”

“And your shoes and the curtains, and the bedside table and the carpet with that little stain I imagine into shapes.”

“Jay you should have told me.”

“So you can stress too? No this is up to me to figure out.”

“Not with a bottle of sleeping tablets its not.”

“I took one Jensen.”

“And how often do you take one.” The way he said ‘one’ was sarcastic

“Last night I took one for the first time.”

“Did you sleep?”

“No.”

“How do you know, maybe you dozed without knowing.”

“I hear every single time your clock flicks over a minute. I lie there some nights wanting to throw that thing out the fucking window it is so noisy with its flick but it’s yours and I don’t know what would happen if the room was completely silent, at least that is some noise.”

“Jared you can’t just run away and scare me and then blurt all this out at me. You’re meant to talk to me man and tell me when things aren’t going good.”

“Do you think I’ve forgotten how you looked that afternoon when you found me in my trailer? Do you think that image isn’t burned into my brain? The sadness, the pity, the helplessness as you looked at me like you didn’t know what to do? I close my eyes and I can see it as clear as yesterday”

“That’s cause you are some kind of freak when it comes to remembering shit that you should have put out of your heads years ago.”

“You should go” Jared blurted out suddenly

“What?” Jensen yelped, “I’m not going anywhere but you are, come on you’re getting in the shower to warm up.”

“Go away Jensen

 “No, come on Jared get up.”

“Go away.”

“Na ah, get up or I’m getting you up and you know I’ll win that battle dude.”

“Jen just leave me alone and go to Misha.”

“You need to get the fuck over Misha, there never has been and never will be anything between and that deviant.”

“Jensen go away.” Jared yelled as Jensen pulled the sheets back, he knew Jared was shivering and freezing but it was for the greater good, to get him to the warm water

“You asked for it.” He climbed on the bed and pushed and Jared let out a loud swear word as he slid off the bed onto the carpet

“I will hit you. I will hit you so fucking hard your nose will come out your ear.” Jared yelled

“Well that is the stupidest fucking thing I’ve heard even from our kids. And now you’re up go and get in the shower.” Jensen said matter of factly and Jared sighed before dragging his feet to the bathroom, he grabbed the whiskey on the way through, “Hey put that down!”

“Isn’t it for me?”

“It was until I found out you’ve already self-medicated. Just get in the shower.”

While Jared was in the shower Jensen remade the bed, turned on the electric blanket, took the whiskey and went and checked the thermostat, then the doorbell rang and he sighed.

“Thanks for coming man.” He said as he opened the door

“How bad is he?”

“He says he hasn’t slept in weeks and some fucking quack doctor gave him sleeping tablets.” Jensen said as he pulled them out of his pocket and handed them over to the studio doctor.

“Ok well these are quite mild; I don’t think taking a whole bottle would kill you but it might fuck you up. Where is he?”

“Showering to warm himself up. Nothing was turned on when I got here, the place was freezing.”

“So let’s not beat around the bush, you share a bed with him, is he sleeping?” The doctor was matter of fact and Jensen was too scared to deny the worst kept secret in WB History.

“You ask me yesterday I would have said yes but now I don’t know. He has always been awake before me but now I think about it he is still awake when I doze off at night.” Jensen hadn’t thought anything of Jared’s hands running through his hair until he fell asleep. “Fuck. I’ve fucked this right up haven’t I? How did I not notice this was happening? What kind of person am I to live with and work with someone every day and not notice how bad it’s getting?” Jensen snarled as he ran his hands down his face

“Jensen you need to calm down. We have been through this in the past. This isn’t on you. Someone can be living the completely ideal life and be laughing and smiling and joking and putting on the best act of their entire lives five minutes before they hurt themselves. You know this. If you blame yourself, you will never be able to help him.”

“He’s been taking his medication; I see him take it every morning.”

“Well we need to look at changing that script while he goes through this heavier filming.”

“I should have…”

“Jensen let’s be honest we all ‘should have’ been watching him. He put on his act and we all fell for it. You worked it out sooner than anyone. Hell who knows what would have happened if we hadn’t realised until tomorrow.”

“What do we do?”

“Hospital?”

“What?”

“Well he needs to be looked after, needs someone to watch him.”

“He’s not going to hospital, he won’t go and I don’t want anyone thinking he needs to be there.”

“Jensen he needs someone look…”

“I’m looking after him.” He snapped and the look on his face would have made a weaker man turn and run, luckily this man had been through this with these two men before. He remembered what Jensen was like before, and that was before their relationship progressed.

“Jensen you’re not qualified…”

“I am not leaving him. There is no one more qualified to look after him.”

“Look honestly I’m not blowing this off but I think we just need to get him some sleep then we can assess from there. Things seem a hundred times worse when you haven’t slept. I want to give him a proper sedative tonight and a new script for mood stabilisers and I’ll come back first thing tomorrow morning. Are you up for staying awake and looking after him, if I sedate him you have to stay awake because if he has a reaction he could go all zombie and do something stupid or hurt himself. I really think you should let me take him to hospital for the night”

“I am not going to hospital.” Jared said from behind them.

“Jay…” Jensen spun around startled

“This is what you do? Push me into the shower and then out me to the doc? Nice.”

I was scared. I still am.”

“I’m not going to hospital. I am fine, I just need you all to get the fuck out of my apartment.”

“Jay Doc’s gonna give you something to help you sleep…”

“I just need you to leave Jensen.”

“Ok, ok compromise, you let the doc jab you and I’ll leave.”

“Really?” he looked sceptical

“Really. Look keys in hand, if I leave will you let him give you something to help you sleep?”

“Fine, whatever.” Jared said and walked back into the bedroom

“What?” the doc turned to him eyebrows raised

“I will leave this apartment, you will do what you gotta do while I wait in the lobby and then when he’s asleep I’ll come back in. Can you hang around until he’s asleep?”

“Of course.” Doc said with a slap on the shoulder

Jensen got the text about fifteen minutes later and he bolted back upstairs. The doc was standing at the door when he came down the hall.

“Do you want me to send someone around, a nurse maybe?”

“I got it.” Jensen said and the doc patted him on the back again before he left.

 

Jensen was sitting on the couch watching television quietly when his phone buzzed and he looked down to see a message saying they had a couple of days off to relax and catch up on sleep. He sighed with relief but knew Jared, once he was more rational, would be angry that he brought the whole production to a stop. That was the way he was and probably how he got himself in this predicament in the first place. He would just keep going and going and giving and giving and not say a word until his body and his mind finally outvoted his heart and started shutting down.

He heard mumbling in the bedroom and jumped up and silently dashed in there. He didn’t want Jared falling out of or jumping out of bed and hurting himself. When he got in there sweat was pouring of Jared and he was tossing and turning and muttering Jensen’s name as his hand unconsciously ran up and down and over the bed as if looking for him.

Jensen quickly turned off the electric blanket and got a damp face cloth from the bathroom before climbing onto the bed. He was already in a pair of Jared’s sleep pants and a shirt so he was good to slip right in.

Jensen quickly slipped one of his hands into one of Jared’s and felt him relax immediately before gently wiping down his face and neck with the cool cloth listening to Jared hum in appreciation.

Jared slid over into the middle of the bed and curled himself around Jensen before sinking into a more relaxing sleep. Jensen just lay there running his hands through his hair and staring at the wall.

He loved Jared with nearly all his heart, JJ got a big chunk of it and Danneel owned some but most of it was possessed by this big lug of a man next to him. Jared gave a hundred percent of himself to everything and everyone which meant he gave more than he had and when he saw other people wanting or needing he felt bad when he couldn’t give anymore and that’s when moments, nights, like this happened. Jensen didn’t think any less of Jared for this, he thought less of himself for not giving as much as Jared did but he needed to keep that wall up, that thin barrier, so that when Jared gave too much he could pull him back behind the wall with him and give him a much needed break and protection and love and comfort while he regrouped and reenergised.

Jensen lay there for a while but was getting edgy with nothing to do. He didn’t want to turn on the bedside light in case it woke Jared up, the same with his phone. Jared’s room was dead silent and he was worried he would fall asleep, wrapped in the warmth and scent of his lover, surrounded by silence. He slid out of bed, dropping a kiss on Jared’s forehead when he frowned and mumbled and walked out to the kitchen to make a coffee. He then grabbed an arm chair and slid it into Jared’s room and turned on the bathroom light, dimming it down. After he made coffee he helped himself to one of Jared’s many books and settled in the arm chair to read.

Eventually the sun started coming up and Jensen’s eyes started drifting closed and even as he was willing them to stay open just a little longer his phone vibrated in his pocket. He jumped up and headed out to lounge room

“Hello?” he whispered

“Jen it’s Gen.” a loud voice echoed down the line and Jensen almost yelped ssshhh before realising Jared couldn’t hear her it just seemed loud after the hours of silence

“Oh hi.” Damn he had forgot to ring her last night.

“Bob called, how is he? I’m trying to get on a plane.”

“He slept all night Gen. Apparently he hasn’t been sleeping and with this heavy filming, things got a bit too much.”

“You didn’t notice he wasn’t sleeping?”

“No.” he sighed and felt the wave of guilt sweep over him again. I mean yeah they were grown men but they were grown men who lived together, slept together, like any husband and wife or in this case husband and husband team he should have known things weren’t good. Yeah spouses hid things from each other but they didn’t literally work side by side for sixteen hour days before gong home and curling into bed together. Jensen really felt like he had dropped the ball.

“What set him off?” Gen asked now, bringing him back to the present

“The video I filmed accepting my PCA.”

“The one with Misha” Gen said as a statement not a question

“Yeah I watched it last night and I couldn’t see anything but I think he’s just so tired he’s imagining things that aren’t there.”

“You know how he feels about Misha and all that Destiel crap.”

“I know but he was on set and I wanted to get the film out and I just hoped that we would get it done quickly and I could get back to Jay but Misha fucked around. The plan was to show Jay and have a laugh about it, I saw it on his tablet, I don’t even know how he knew about it.”

“Probably fucking Misha sent it to him, that would be a dick move he would do, brag and rub it in, look what I got to do and you didn’t.”

“Fuck they’ve given him less and less eps and he still manages to create havoc.”

“Look as soon as I have a flight I’ll call you.”

“K.” he said and hung up the phone.

He was pissed she was coming up here. Up here, Vancouver, that was meant to be their time, their space, but she was right, Jared was sick and his wife should be by his side. Even if it was just to keep up appearances for the studio execs who still had their head in the sand about the true relationship of the stars of the channel’s longest running show.

He was contemplating having a shower when there was a quiet knock at the door and Jensen looked in on Jared before going over to open it and find Bob

“Hey man.” He said quietly as he stepped aside to let him in

“How’s he doing?”

“Still asleep.”

“You look like crap.”

“Thanks Bob.” Jensen grimaced. “I’m almost forty man, I can’t do all nighters anymore.”

“I thought I might sit with him and read through some pilot scripts while you catch a nap.”

“I can look after him Bob.”

“But you don’t have to Jensen we’re all here, we’re all willing to help, I’m just the one barging in instead of waiting for a phone call. You know you boys took this show on when you were still both so young, just the two of you and the love you have for each other and for the fans and the love the fans have for you have kept all of us in jobs but even if that wasn’t the case every single person who works on that show loves you two boys and would be here in an instant if you called.  I know you two are used to sticking together to get each other through this but you don’t have to.”

“It’s what we’re used to. You’re right, Jay and I used to freak out when we looked out the windows of the car on set and saw all these faces staring back at us, all those faces relying on us. We kind of turned to each other. We could say things to each other we couldn’t say to anyone else. We didn’t want to scare the powers that be or make them think they had made a wrong decision and all our other friends, in a completely different country, they didn’t get it. They had shows with huge casts, large ensembles where the pressure was shared. It was only the two of us so there was only the two of us to talk to.”

“You’re sounding very maudlin at the moment; you do need sleep.”

“I feel like I dropped the ball Bob.” Jensen ran his hand down his face again

“We all dropped the ball son for the second time. We dropped it in season three and we all stupidly thought we had learned our lesson and that we would know what to look out for next time and we all sat there and stared at him for seasons until we thought he was ok and we let our guard down and what happened?  He fooled us again because he is a brilliant actor. At least last year he admitted it, threw up the white flag and stepped back; I’m guessing that was because it was between seasons, but this is happening while we’re filming so he just kept on keeping on.”

“Gen’s on her way.”

“Sorry I had to ring her.”

“I get it.” He sighed

“Go have a lie down, I’ll wake you when the doc gets here.”

 

Jensen was woken by fingers running through his hair and warmth encasing his body, he inhaled as he moved and smelt Jared and everything came back in a flash. His eyes shot open as he shot up in Jared’s spare bedroom bed

“Woah, woah, it’s ok baby, it’s ok.” Jared said quietly as he caught him and pushed him back down onto the bed

“Jay?”

“Hi.”

“What’s happened? What’s going on? Where’s Bob? Where’s…”

“Shh Jen it’s ok. The doc’s been and gone, Bob’s gone it’s just the two of us for now.  Gen will be here in a couple of hours but it’s just you and me.” Jared said quietly as he kept running his hands through Jensen’s hair

“I’m so sorry.” Jensen blurted as he looked up into the face of his lover

“Jen what do you have to be sorry about? I’m sorry.” Jared yelped and Jensen pushed himself up so he was resting against the head board

“I should have seen.”

“I should have told you”

“I love you Jay you know that right?”

“Yeah Jen I am so sorry about what I said last night. I just saw you in Misha’s trailer and he was in your space, space that is mine only, and he was holding your hand and I hadn’t slept and I just lost it. I know you love me and I know that you would never go with Misha and I am so so sorry about what I said last night. I love you so much and I didn’t want you to go and I’m so glad you didn’t leave me.” Jared said and his eyes filled with tears. “Bob said you stayed with me all night. Thank you.” The last words were a torn whisper as tears ran down his face

“Hey Jay it’s ok, sshhh” Jensen said as he pulled Jared into a hug, “We have said some shit to each other over the years when we’ve been hurt or tired or scared. I meant what I said last night Jay, you look out for me as much as I look out for you.”

“I love you Jen.” Jared said as he dropped kisses on Jensen’s neck where Jensen was holding him close to his body, Jensen hummed with appreciation, “Let me show you how much I love you.”

“No Jay this is about you. Today is about you. How do you feel? Did the doc change your script?”

“Yeah. He gave something a little stronger and will come and visit us on set in a week to see how it’s going and give us our tetanus boosters.”

“Oh man I hate them.” Jensen growled. Firstly, he hated needles of any kind although that now got easier with Jared there to hold his hand, and tetanus arm was a mother fucker for a couple of days after.

“Don’t look at me, blame Bob although I think he was looking for an excuse to get the doc on set to check me out. At least doc called it like it is and said he would do them while checking up on me.”

“So Gen’s on her way.” Jensen sighed

“Yeah sorry Bob again.”

“Jay don’t apologise, it’s protocol, she’s your wife, she’s the first call if something goes wrong.”

“No you’re the first call.” Jared said stubbornly

“I was already here dude. Gen is the first call because no matter where you are I am already right here.”

“Thank you. I love you so much.”

“Alright stop saying it you’re making me blush.”

“Love you; love you; love you.” Jared said with a smile as he dropped kisses on Jensen’s eyes, nose and lips

“Ooh sorry I missed that last one, can you do that last one again?’ Jensen said innocently and watched Jared’s eyes light up

“Really?” Jared smiled and dropped his head again, kissing along Jensen’s lips before ducking his tongue in to lick and taste the essence of his lover. Jensen opened up and the kiss turned hard and hot fast.  It has been an exhausting couple of days on set and it had been almost a week since they did more than hold hands, hug, or drop quick kisses on each other’s lips.  They needed this like they needed oxygen and as they continued deep, drugging kisses Jensen slid back down into the bed, pulling Jared down on top of him; feeling completely at home engulfed in this weight and this warmth. This was his happy place, his safe place, his haven.

Jared slid on top of Jensen and slid his lips off his and down his throat before he bit gently on the tendon between neck and shoulder, Jensen bucked and arched back and Jared sank his teeth in more before sucking and licking at the skin.

“I don’t think I can last long Jen. I need you, I need to be in you.”

“Well get me out of this straight jacket of sheets and you can do whatever you want.”

“Really?” Jared purred and sat back to pull the sheets and blanket off Jensen, “This is so so gay but it is so hot seeing you in my clothes, I’m not washing these ever again.” Jared purred as he ran his hands up the sleep pants encased legs before cupping Jensen’s balls and cock in his hands through the material

“Keep doing that and you’re going to have to because I’m gonna fucking come in them…Jay please man…” Jensen almost begged but Jared just dropped his head and suckled at Jensen’s throbbing cock through the soft cotton, “Fuck Jay please.” Jen said and pushed up. Jared growled and slid his hands up to catch the waist band and pull the pants down.  At the same time Jensen ripped his own shirt off before doing the same to Jared.

“Jensen I want to lick every single piece of your body and I want to suck you and nibble on you and roll your balls on my tongue until you explode in my hair, I do baby” Jensen growled and arched into him, “But that’s later baby, right now I gotta be in you.” Jared said as he reached over to the nightstand and hoped like hell, he didn’t think he and Jen had ever been in this room and he was sure he didn’t leave lube for guests; but he found baby oil which, right at this second, was a saviour.

Jared slicked up his fingers as he pushed Jensen to roll onto his stomach. Yeah he loved looking deep into his eyes as they slowly rode each other, that was how they usually made love, but there were times when things just needed to be done hard and fast and Jared knew what to do to get Jensen prepped to ride him. As he slid one finger in his tongue snaked around the rim of that pink flesh, licking and tasting and driving Jensen insane. It didn’t take long for Jensen to be pushing back on him so he inserted a second finger, playing the prostate like a guitar string and having Jensen cursing all sorts of swear words. He then slid in a third finger and slowly scissored

“Jared are you trying to kill me” Jensen growled and Jared smiled against his skin before oiling himself up and slowly sliding in. They both let our deep moans when Jared was fully seated in his heat and he slowly started moving.  All the way out, all the way in, slow and steady

“Oh I’m sorry I thought you said you wanted to fuck me I didn’t realise you were trying to put me back to sleep.” Jensen growled sarcastically and Jared let out a laugh. A frustrated Jensen was hilarious. Jared grabbed his hips and pushed in hard and fast, hearing a whoosh of air out of Jensen before pulling out and slamming in again.  Jared rode him hard and fast until he could feel the tingle down low that let him know he was about to come, he leaned down, draping over Jensen and slid one hand around to slide up his cock and gently pinch the head. Jensen bucked and Jared slid his oiled hand up and down, pumping out pre come, feeling Jensen tense around him and he plunged in harder and deeper, pushing Jensen’s cock into his hand until he felt himself explode, flung out of the atmosphere as he unloaded inside his lover, feeling Jensen pulse into his hand at the same time.

Jensen’s arms and Jared’s legs gave way at the same time and they collapsed in a pile into the linen.

“Fuck we haven’t done that in a while, that was awesome.” Jensen growled from parched lips

“Are you ok?”

“Fuck yeah”

“Are you ok that I got to drive today?”

“Jay I know I usually top but I also love when you take control like that.  We both needed that this morning.” Jared laughed, “What are you laughing at?”

“It aint morning babe. I think I woke about lunch time and left you for a couple of hours because Bob said you’d been awake all night. I bet if we opened up curtains we’d see the sunset.”

“Fuck we lost a whole day.”

“Thank you Jen, I can’t say it enough thank you.”

“Then stop saying it, it was nothing. I sat and read while you slept.”

“But you stayed after I said those terrible things to you.”

“And I have said shit to you in the past. We love each other Jay and that’s what you do when you love someone right?”

“Yeah.”

“So stop apologising and stop thanking me.”

“I love you”

“Love you too.”

“Think you got another round in you before Gen arrives?”

“Hell yeah, fuck I love being fucked by you and I love fucking you but do you think maybe we can go back to our house?”

“Yeah of course…Jen”

“Don’t even say it.” Jensen lifted up his finger to silence what he felt was another apology

“Ok but you’re calling for pizza while I call housekeeping.” Jared said and slid out of bed.

Jensen watched the glorious naked ass of Jared Padalecki bounce down the hall and couldn’t help himself

“Hey Jared!”

“What?”

“Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For saying yes to the audition eleven years ago and for saying yes to the show and for saying yes to me.”

“It was fate brother fate.”

“Don’t call me brother.” Jensen muttered, it cut a little too close to home for the roles they played. He watched Jared turn around and saunter back to the room and his breath caught at how beautiful he looked. His hair was damp and his skin flushed and glistening from their love making and he had a big smile on his face, revealing his dimples in their glory.

“Jen baby we tell each other everything, everything,” Jared said as he crawled back up the bed, “Don’t think I didn’t feel you push a little harder, get a little deeper and come a little quicker when I accidentally called you Dean the other day. I wasn’t going to mention it but I think you have a little bit of a kink my friend and after we get home and shower and you feed me I think we might test that out a little bit.” Jared whispered before leaning forward and sucking on Jensen’s ear “What do you think Dean?” Jared purred and Jensen felt himself tremble and get hard again

“I think you better get clothes on before I pull you out of here naked.”

Jensen watched him walk away, his eyes were clear and he had colour in his cheeks again, yeah Jensen was worried and yeah Jared had his prescription changed but he seemed to…

“Jensen I can hear you thinking from here, I am fine.” Jared said, reading his mind as per usual and Jensen smiled before climbing out of bed to get his lover and head home

**Author's Note:**

> Feel Free to leave comments :)
> 
> I have written a fanfic in past called 'It's All Misha's Fault' based on the TCA Awards


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